You only think you die...but you not!

I am a woman who believe in love, those fairy tale old fashion love. The kind of love that i will remember as long as i live and which i can tell my grandchild and be proud of it. But at the age of 31 and still single, all i can tell you is, i am no where near to my fairy tale ending. I've been cheated, lied and get my heart broken so many times. Most of the time i feel like dying, cried myself to sleep and telling myself its end of the world and no one else will ever love me again. 

BUT, every time i close my heart and give up, miracles happened and i fall in love again. No one guarantee that each time it will be a happy ending, no guarantee that i wont get hurt again but its a prove that i still believe in love and want it in my miserable life. 

Its not easy to cope when you feel out of love, when the one that you truly love leave you for someone else or when they simply cheat on you. I remember how many countless night i cried because of guys, to feel so broken and cant get up again. Hoping that everything will be easier if i die instead of dealing with the feelings. 

Eventually i stop crying, i move from feeling broken to anger. Listing 101 reason why he do this to me and another 102 reason on why i should plot a revenge. I work my brain to the maximum on how to get my boyfriend back and at the same time plotting a plan to kill his new girlfriend. Hatred, anger, disappointment   feel betrayed all mix into one. I get nervous break down and cant think right. I cried and cried until it come to my mind from where all the tears coming. I didn't eat or do anything, all i did was wishing that i'm dead. The next day the same thing repeat and it goes on for few days more. 

After few days, i get hungry than usual. I indulge myself with food, eat everything i could and doesn't care anything any more. The crying part stop tho, i feel good feeding myself but i still shut myself off from the world. 

Then come the best part, i get bored. Seriously, i get bored. I'm asking myself why i torture myself when my ex is having fun with the new girl. Kissing her, hugging her and all the stuff he did to me before. I come to realization that i deserve someone better. Not someone who simply cheat on me to be with someone else. I keep on telling myself that if he can cheat on me what can make him stay loyal to her. 

My positive vibe get back to me. I start to clean all the messed i did from self pitying. I call my my friend which always there when i need them. I showered, put on my best underwear, make an appointment for a hairdo, put on my high heels and go shopping. It is indeed the best therapy once u broke up. 

I still cry every time i remember what he did to me. But i forgot that i have friends and family who love me  and will never leave me. I can call them and tell them all my frustration. I don't have to be alone and keep telling myself that i deserve someone better.

I still live even though  i feel like dying before. I carry that positive vibe all time and believe there's someone out there for me. If i have to kiss hundred frogs to meet my prince, i will make sure i will enjoy it with each and every one of them. List of why he's not a good catch are so much better than all my list before. Always tell myself that i deserve someone better and won't go lower than what i should get.

Don't forget girls, when you put on your high heels, you can conquer the world.